Preface: I know nothing about feminism, so I read a few other posts while I was at it. I also know nothing about the author or her husband (other than I think I played her husband at Final Round at some point in time). This is more of a ramble and it doesn't really follow a structure, so I apologize for the wall of text in advance.
To the author:
While my reaction was childish, I still think this situation is blown way out of proportion. I'm not surprised that you and your husband were offended by what I said after reading about your views, but my beliefs on the matter have not changed, as yours will not change regardless of what I say. We think about this differently, that is a fact, so arguing about it will be pointless. Though, I can still clarify some things and we can have a civilized discussion on this, that’s for sure. You seem level-headed, so I expect you to take my views seriously, even if they might not align with yours. I'm not attacking you, and I don't have any ill-will against you or your husband because of what has happened. I'm a better person than that, so its a shame that this all happened because of something that I consider very trivial. I'm sure you're both very nice people. I use "inappropriate language" in this post, so if you think it's going to offend you please don't read it. You don't need to deal with me or my beliefs.
Another warning: I'm not a great writer, I'm an engineer. So please bear with me.
I respect your view, but when I use the word "rape" to describe the rampage of a player during a Red vs Blue GG event I'm not thinking about rape victims around the world at the same time. When my dog is whining at me and I joke around by asking her if she's "starving", I'm not thinking of the (insert absurdly large number here) of people who die from starvation each day. When I say I "murdered you" or "bodied you" while beating my friend in a game of BlazBlue, I'm not thinking of the constant murders that happen each and every day. When I say "that's retarded" when something stupid happens in a fighting game, I'm not thinking about the numerous mentally handicapped people around the world that struggle to lead a normal life. When I say “that’s gay” when something ridiculous exists in a fighting game I play, I’m not making fun of people for their sexual preference. When I use the word “nigga” to refer to one of my friends (or a random person) I’m not thinking about the atrocities of slavery that is embedded in the history of my country. I’m desensitized to using these words when I’m talking about fighting games. That’s just the way I am. Do I use these words in my daily vocabulary at work? No. I’m a better person than that. Do I use this language around my friends? Yes. Do I use this language on my stream? Double yes. As I stated (rather harshly): it is my stream. It has been a place for me to present a stream in the way I think they should be presented (regardless of who or what I'm streaming for), just as this blog is a place for me to write my thoughts.
I watch the news just like you. I watch the supposed rape victims get treated unfairly sometimes during trials (as well as the other way around). I read articles about the massacres. I see the commercials asking me to help stop hunger around the world. They all bother me the same way they probably bother you. I don’t think that rape, murder, starvation, and abuse are funny. As an example I took required sexual assault training at work and it opened my eyes quite a bit. After the training I contacted a friend because a couple weeks prior I was present when I saw her assaulted (it was a kiss, but it was slightly forced). The man in question had dated her before so I thought nothing of it. What I learned from training was assuming that she was OK with it was a terrible assumption. When I contacted her I said that if she was ever being forced into a situation like that again when she’s around me, to let me know if she doesn't feel comfortable (and to also let me know if she wants to ever talk about other such events if something is bothering her). I want to be a good friend. Another thing from the training that I took away was what you kind of touch on toward the end of your article: language context and what you think about when a word is used. While it’s not a direct example of using words, I think you’ll understand what I’m getting at. A segment from this training was about abuse/rape victims and how they try to cope with what happened to them. A woman's significant other and herself had a falling out. He raped her, went to the kitchen, made some popcorn, ate it, and then went back to sexually assaulting her. Now, every time she smells popcorn she remembers what happened. She associates the smell with a terrible time in her life. While this isn't directly related to the use of the word “rape”, it carries the same principle. People will associate words, songs, smells, tastes, weather, seasons, and absolutely anything with something negative. It’s a personal issue. I cannot change how you get offended or reminded by something, and I’m not going to try and change your beliefs or go out of my way to change my speech patterns to please you. I don’t expect anything different in return. If this was my friend coming over to watch a movie I would think differently. But this is not the case, so I won’t treat it like so. As long as you have ears you'll be able to hear what I'm saying, even if what I'm saying could offend you. As long as you have eyes you can read the words on this screen, even if they might offend you. You seem like a very smart person, so I'm sure you're prepared to maturely deal with situations like this in your daily life. It looks like you have this BnB down 100%. I do not.
So you’re not comfortable with the way I interpret and use language. I can respect that. As I said before: my reaction was childish, I should have ignored stream chat, told Reggie to let it go, then get back to the match. But what's done is done and my personal philosophies will not change because of this.
A lot of people assume they know why I started streaming, why I keep streaming, and why I run my stream the way I do. Most of these assumptions are wrong. I don’t stream to make myself relevant or to make money. I’m not paid to stream by events. I’m not partnered. I’m not sponsored. I don’t want money to provide entertainment to a bunch of faceless viewers from whom I expect nothing in return. I’m not streaming to get more viewers: I stream because I want to let people who couldn't make the event watch the matches that they should be seeing in person. That’s it. I've only tried to add quality over time because it allows you be more in control of the actual stream, makes it slightly more appealing to the eye/ear, and makes it easier to troubleshoot problems with sound and video (if a solution even exists). I’m not streaming to make you happy, I’m streaming to provide my friends with some entertainment. You don't have to be my friend. If you don’t like the way I choose to stream then you don’t have to watch it. No one is twisting your arm. When someone is streaming a FGC event and I don’t like the commentary I mute the sound. It’s just that simple. Sometimes I've considered streaming without commentary, but I know a lot of people will complain about that too. It's a very dull double edged sword. Do I really care what stream monsters think? No, not really. People will watch if they want to watch since the match is all that matters, and they will mute the sound if they don't like what they see.
Is my commentary godlike? No, it's terrible. Is my stream amazing? No, it's quality is lacking when compared to professional streamers. Do I expect everyone to like me? No, I'm a human being and we all have our faults. I’m a very simple person. After running a bar event, a 51-team 3v3 tournament, and two 80+ entrant double elimination tournaments while trying to run a stream on the side, I’m going to get aggravated when a person in stream chat keeps asking me to do something I don’t want to do. We all reach our breaking point at some time, and when I’m 3 days into the biggest major I help run and someone not at the event is complaining about my stream (or me) I’m going to put them in their place. I've done it plenty of times before. Everyone at the event was enjoying themselves, so when I see someone not enjoying themselves in a stream chat for something I consider very trivial I’m going to end up getting aggravated.
This was the best tournament I’ve ever been a part of. Ask anyone there and they will say the same thing: this event was godlike. It’s almost an understatement because it was just that awesome. Ask any of the Guilty Gear “OGs” that came. They had a fucking blast. The blow-ups in BlazBlue were real. What I consider to be the last huge major for this version of Persona ended with one of the hardest working guys who plays the game winning in a nail biting fashion. Thursday night Yakitori Boy and karaoke was fun as hell. Friday night at the Copabana was a blast (even if someone threw up in my car on the way back to the venue). Saturday ran a little late but we got everything done and Guilty Gear was absolutely amazing. Sunday was fun as well because we finally got the run side events! NEC is always a blast, even though I get frustrated at times.
In closing, I'd like to say that I enjoyed your article. I don't follow main-stream FGC news anymore (I don't read the front page of SRK/Kotaku/etc and I have a lot of "figureheads" blocked on Twitter), so I didn't know that there was a past event just like this one. I could agree that some words could be taken out of streams in general, but my content is not there yet, and I never want it to get there. I'm a huge believer in freedom of speech, even if it offends me or others around me. I've accepted the fact that I will get offended by certain things such as LGBT rights. I don't think people should be judged, ridiculed, or held back due to their sexual preference, so I just take everything in stride and don't let it get to me.
I respect your view, but when I use the word "rape" to describe the rampage of a player during a Red vs Blue GG event I'm not thinking about rape victims around the world at the same time. When my dog is whining at me and I joke around by asking her if she's "starving", I'm not thinking of the (insert absurdly large number here) of people who die from starvation each day. When I say I "murdered you" or "bodied you" while beating my friend in a game of BlazBlue, I'm not thinking of the constant murders that happen each and every day. When I say "that's retarded" when something stupid happens in a fighting game, I'm not thinking about the numerous mentally handicapped people around the world that struggle to lead a normal life. When I say “that’s gay” when something ridiculous exists in a fighting game I play, I’m not making fun of people for their sexual preference. When I use the word “nigga” to refer to one of my friends (or a random person) I’m not thinking about the atrocities of slavery that is embedded in the history of my country. I’m desensitized to using these words when I’m talking about fighting games. That’s just the way I am. Do I use these words in my daily vocabulary at work? No. I’m a better person than that. Do I use this language around my friends? Yes. Do I use this language on my stream? Double yes. As I stated (rather harshly): it is my stream. It has been a place for me to present a stream in the way I think they should be presented (regardless of who or what I'm streaming for), just as this blog is a place for me to write my thoughts.
I watch the news just like you. I watch the supposed rape victims get treated unfairly sometimes during trials (as well as the other way around). I read articles about the massacres. I see the commercials asking me to help stop hunger around the world. They all bother me the same way they probably bother you. I don’t think that rape, murder, starvation, and abuse are funny. As an example I took required sexual assault training at work and it opened my eyes quite a bit. After the training I contacted a friend because a couple weeks prior I was present when I saw her assaulted (it was a kiss, but it was slightly forced). The man in question had dated her before so I thought nothing of it. What I learned from training was assuming that she was OK with it was a terrible assumption. When I contacted her I said that if she was ever being forced into a situation like that again when she’s around me, to let me know if she doesn't feel comfortable (and to also let me know if she wants to ever talk about other such events if something is bothering her). I want to be a good friend. Another thing from the training that I took away was what you kind of touch on toward the end of your article: language context and what you think about when a word is used. While it’s not a direct example of using words, I think you’ll understand what I’m getting at. A segment from this training was about abuse/rape victims and how they try to cope with what happened to them. A woman's significant other and herself had a falling out. He raped her, went to the kitchen, made some popcorn, ate it, and then went back to sexually assaulting her. Now, every time she smells popcorn she remembers what happened. She associates the smell with a terrible time in her life. While this isn't directly related to the use of the word “rape”, it carries the same principle. People will associate words, songs, smells, tastes, weather, seasons, and absolutely anything with something negative. It’s a personal issue. I cannot change how you get offended or reminded by something, and I’m not going to try and change your beliefs or go out of my way to change my speech patterns to please you. I don’t expect anything different in return. If this was my friend coming over to watch a movie I would think differently. But this is not the case, so I won’t treat it like so. As long as you have ears you'll be able to hear what I'm saying, even if what I'm saying could offend you. As long as you have eyes you can read the words on this screen, even if they might offend you. You seem like a very smart person, so I'm sure you're prepared to maturely deal with situations like this in your daily life. It looks like you have this BnB down 100%. I do not.
So you’re not comfortable with the way I interpret and use language. I can respect that. As I said before: my reaction was childish, I should have ignored stream chat, told Reggie to let it go, then get back to the match. But what's done is done and my personal philosophies will not change because of this.
A lot of people assume they know why I started streaming, why I keep streaming, and why I run my stream the way I do. Most of these assumptions are wrong. I don’t stream to make myself relevant or to make money. I’m not paid to stream by events. I’m not partnered. I’m not sponsored. I don’t want money to provide entertainment to a bunch of faceless viewers from whom I expect nothing in return. I’m not streaming to get more viewers: I stream because I want to let people who couldn't make the event watch the matches that they should be seeing in person. That’s it. I've only tried to add quality over time because it allows you be more in control of the actual stream, makes it slightly more appealing to the eye/ear, and makes it easier to troubleshoot problems with sound and video (if a solution even exists). I’m not streaming to make you happy, I’m streaming to provide my friends with some entertainment. You don't have to be my friend. If you don’t like the way I choose to stream then you don’t have to watch it. No one is twisting your arm. When someone is streaming a FGC event and I don’t like the commentary I mute the sound. It’s just that simple. Sometimes I've considered streaming without commentary, but I know a lot of people will complain about that too. It's a very dull double edged sword. Do I really care what stream monsters think? No, not really. People will watch if they want to watch since the match is all that matters, and they will mute the sound if they don't like what they see.
Is my commentary godlike? No, it's terrible. Is my stream amazing? No, it's quality is lacking when compared to professional streamers. Do I expect everyone to like me? No, I'm a human being and we all have our faults. I’m a very simple person. After running a bar event, a 51-team 3v3 tournament, and two 80+ entrant double elimination tournaments while trying to run a stream on the side, I’m going to get aggravated when a person in stream chat keeps asking me to do something I don’t want to do. We all reach our breaking point at some time, and when I’m 3 days into the biggest major I help run and someone not at the event is complaining about my stream (or me) I’m going to put them in their place. I've done it plenty of times before. Everyone at the event was enjoying themselves, so when I see someone not enjoying themselves in a stream chat for something I consider very trivial I’m going to end up getting aggravated.
This was the best tournament I’ve ever been a part of. Ask anyone there and they will say the same thing: this event was godlike. It’s almost an understatement because it was just that awesome. Ask any of the Guilty Gear “OGs” that came. They had a fucking blast. The blow-ups in BlazBlue were real. What I consider to be the last huge major for this version of Persona ended with one of the hardest working guys who plays the game winning in a nail biting fashion. Thursday night Yakitori Boy and karaoke was fun as hell. Friday night at the Copabana was a blast (even if someone threw up in my car on the way back to the venue). Saturday ran a little late but we got everything done and Guilty Gear was absolutely amazing. Sunday was fun as well because we finally got the run side events! NEC is always a blast, even though I get frustrated at times.
In closing, I'd like to say that I enjoyed your article. I don't follow main-stream FGC news anymore (I don't read the front page of SRK/Kotaku/etc and I have a lot of "figureheads" blocked on Twitter), so I didn't know that there was a past event just like this one. I could agree that some words could be taken out of streams in general, but my content is not there yet, and I never want it to get there. I'm a huge believer in freedom of speech, even if it offends me or others around me. I've accepted the fact that I will get offended by certain things such as LGBT rights. I don't think people should be judged, ridiculed, or held back due to their sexual preference, so I just take everything in stride and don't let it get to me.
All of this is viral BS in my honest opinion, and I could do without it in my life so I block it out (I have both you and your husband blocked on Twitter, so don't take it personally. I will unblock both of you once I post this article). I didn't know that such people as yourself existed in the community since all of the people I know in it have desensitized me to using such words without hesitation. It's a poor assumption on my part to assume that others have accepted the same language standards as I have. In that regard I am sorry, I will state my beliefs more eloquently in the future and I will try to keep philosophical talk off my streams at majors while matches are being presented. No one ever intends for stuff like this to happen, and I sure as hell didn't.
If I see you at a future event I'll treat you and your spouse to a drink (if you do that kind of thing), and we can bury the hatchet. Maybe we can get in some games of GG. This past NEC has motivated me once again to get back on the grind as a player, something that TO'ing has slowly been taking away from me.
It's a shame that our views on context are different, but differences are very real and they are something we both must accept.
Take it easy, and stay godlike.
If I see you at a future event I'll treat you and your spouse to a drink (if you do that kind of thing), and we can bury the hatchet. Maybe we can get in some games of GG. This past NEC has motivated me once again to get back on the grind as a player, something that TO'ing has slowly been taking away from me.
It's a shame that our views on context are different, but differences are very real and they are something we both must accept.
Take it easy, and stay godlike.
To other people reading this post:
Please don’t judge the “FGC” or “Anime Community” based on one person’s childish actions or beliefs. That’s childish in itself (but I will admit that we all act childishly occasionally). The author said it herself in her edit: we, as a community, should expect that the actions of a very visible person to carry a lot of weight. I never intended to be such an important person when is comes to the scene I associated myself with, but my character and sacrifices (I guess) have taken me too far. I can understand that my words can carry some weight sometimes, but I'm not going to judge a group of people based on a single person's actions and I expect the same from other people. Not everyone can't be reasonable in the days of the social media vortex (myself included). Please be level headed when attacking me or others because of what happened. You're accomplishing nothing. The author merely stated her view on the matter and you need to respect it. If you don't like it, then don' say anything and get on with your life. No one is forcing you to read the text on your screen.
Please don’t judge the “FGC” or “Anime Community” based on one person’s childish actions or beliefs. That’s childish in itself (but I will admit that we all act childishly occasionally). The author said it herself in her edit: we, as a community, should expect that the actions of a very visible person to carry a lot of weight. I never intended to be such an important person when is comes to the scene I associated myself with, but my character and sacrifices (I guess) have taken me too far. I can understand that my words can carry some weight sometimes, but I'm not going to judge a group of people based on a single person's actions and I expect the same from other people. Not everyone can't be reasonable in the days of the social media vortex (myself included). Please be level headed when attacking me or others because of what happened. You're accomplishing nothing. The author merely stated her view on the matter and you need to respect it. If you don't like it, then don' say anything and get on with your life. No one is forcing you to read the text on your screen.
The last thing I want to do in this blog post is apologize to Big E and Zack because my actions might reflect negatively on to you. In the future we should communicate better about what you expect from my stream if you intend for me to stream. You guys both know that I love NEC, and every tournament that we run is a new learning experience. I take your words seriously, but you know how I am, and I expect you to take my words seriously as well. You’re trying to run a business, and I know that, so we should approach every aspect of the tournament like that. I know that you trusted me with assuming that I knew what you wanted from me. I'm sorry to have broken that trust. I've done exactly what I've done in the past and I didn't intend to harm your reputation. So once again, I'm sorry if this shows a negative light on your event.
Stay godlike everyone. Sorry for the long post.
